The Ex Factor

So your fiancé wants to invite his ex-girlfriend to your wedding. He’s assured you that their relationship is purely platonic and her being there isn’t a big deal. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t a little irked at the idea. Here’s how to handle it.

Stay Positive
Your man clearly loves you! This invite might seem like a tough decision for some, but look—you already won this battle. You’re the only one for him. If you know this and are confident that you’ll feel comfortable with her there, then sure, invite your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend to the wedding. In fact, befriend her, get to know her, even invite her to a bridal shower—you may be pleasantly surprised and like her. And if you need the extra ego boost, think of it like this: no matter who she is, your fiancé has paid you a huge compliment by choosing you over her.

Be Direct
However, if no is the answer, your fiancé needs to accept it. It doesn’t matter if the flame between him and his ex is totally extinguished: If you feel there’s no place for her at the wedding, then there’s no place for her at your wedding. Marriage means you and your groom are each other’s 100% priority. If you think it would be awkward with her there or you’re paranoid about potential gossip surrounding her presence (which could turn into a distraction), then speak with him directly and honestly about your feelings. He’ll likely appreciate you being truthful with him instead of harboring negative energy.

Respect Each Other
Two key ingredients in a loving, lasting relationship are the ability to negotiate and respect each other. But there are times when negotiating becomes irrelevant because someone is being deeply hurt. If this is one of those times, then your fiancé needs to respect your wishes and leave her off of the list. But if it’s incredibly important to him and you can empathize with his want to include her, go for it. Whether or not you allow your fiancé to invite his ex-girlfriend to the wedding boils down to “comfort.” If one of you is uncomfortable, the answer should be “no.”

Lastly, if your fiancé continues to insist on inviting his ex or holds a grudge against you, he’s showing more loyalty to her than you. This raises a red flag and you need to do some honest soul searching. Ask yourself, “Is this really the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

Sheryl Kurland, a.k.a. The Relationship Insider, is a relationship expert, author, and speaker. She provides supercharged advice and tips based on her interviews with hundreds of couples happily married 50-plus years.

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