Avoiding the Arguments

How to plan your wedding in peace.

After the blissful hours of being newly engaged pass, the reality of wedding planning takes over. You now have the longest to-do list you’ve ever tackled in your life… and it’s fuel for mega-size arguments. These tips will help you and your fiancé prevent the smackdown of the century while creating your special day:

Start with each of you expressing your expectations and dreams. Get a vision in mind that you both agree upon. Establishing a clear picture of your wedding up front gives you a reference point for all future decision making.

Delegate “yours,” “mine,” and “ours” responsibilities. Break up the overwhelming to-do list by divvying the information gathering for each item. This avoids the “I’m being left out” syndrome most guys feel with wedding planning. Give him the opportunity to select his items.

Don’t discuss or make any wedding decisions after 8 pm. It’s important to have a daily cut-off time so that you both decompress. Plus, a good night’s sleep makes a huge difference in keeping your stress levels in check.

Listen, really listen. This is the key to communication, not only for wedding planning but throughout your marriage. Keep your lips zipped! And when it’s your turn to talk, don’t respond with “Yes, but…”

Take a 30-minute time out when emotions are escalating. There are bound to be moments when tempers are on the brink of explosion. Stop. Step away from each other for a half hour. Think of ways to solve the issue. Reconvene and share your fresh ideas. You’ll be able to blend them into a solution you both like.

Keep a cool head about all wedding issues. Have fun with planning! Remember, the process, like marriage, requires a lot of give and take. Keep your eyes on the prize — your happily ever after.

Sheryl Kurland, a.k.a. The Relationship Insider, is a relationship expert, author, and speaker. She provides advice based on research and interviews with couples married 50-plus years.