10 Signs of the Apocalypse

10. I bought a Prius. I would rather have gotten the new Camaro, but I’m 52 and starting to get a conscience. So I caved and got a hybrid. My soon-to-be-16-year-old daughter thinks I’ll get over the conscience thing and give her the Prius. She’s only half right—I’ll trade it in on a Camaro.

9. Florida is losing population. And this is a bad thing?

8. Lightning struck and killed the fountain in Lake Eola. Believe me, that was a sign from God.

7. For a failing bank to get bailout money it only had to fill out a two-page form. Meanwhile, the federal government generated 36 pages of instructions and forms for participants to use in the “cash for clunkers” program.

6. Jennifer Aniston still can’t hold on to a man.

5. Neither Mayor Crotty nor Mayor Dyer has raised taxes for the next budget year. They must know the situation is hopeless.

4. It’s been weeks since I have heard a peep out of die-hard SunRail supporters who had floated one silly plan after another to try to get the commuter rail project approved. They probably got in their gas guzzling, taxpayer-funded SUVs and left Florida.

3. Jay Leno is on at 10 p.m. He must know his audience is getting too old to stay up past 11.

2. Gov. Perpetual Suntan continues to get high approval rating.

1. $1 trillion in bailout money and not one dime made it into my hands. If it had, I would have bought the Camaro, like the one in Transformers.