Twitter Dee, Twitter Dumb
My boss instructed me some time back to begin Twittering—or is it Tweetin’?—as part of my job. I struck a confident pose and told her I would get right on it. I had no idea what she was talking about. A few hours of Internet research and discussions with people under age 30 educated me about Twitter. It is a short message system, via Internet or cell phone, that carries a running commentary of subscribers’ random thoughts and observations. A Twitterer follows other Twitterers’ Tweets. A Tweet can go up to 140 characters in length. I can’t write a “please excuse” school-absence note in so few characters. But try I must, so here are some Tweets I would have posted on Orlando magazine’s Twitter page had I been able to figure out how to do it.
After thoughtful consideration with my sleeping dog, I have decided that I have held a job longer than Gov. Suntan.
11:02 AM May 12th from HootSuite
Charlie Crist just Tweeted he’s running for Senate. Man can’t stay in any office longer than a term. . . . Didn’t we just have a president who failed forward all his life?
10:49 AM May 12th from HootSuite
BTW: We’re working on our “50 Most Powerful” issue for July. Everyone wants to know the criteria for making the list. One of the requirements is simple: Buy me dinner.
9:07 AM May 11th from web
Read three Dyer speeches and I’m still wide awake. Going to read Orlando’s crime stats . . . . On second thought, maybe not. I’ll never get to sleep then.
4:52 AM May 8th from twitterfeed
Back from my walk. It’s scary out there. Lots of guns. Couldn’t tell which one might have belonged to Val Demings. Not kiddin.
3:49 AM May 8th from twitterfeed
Still can’t get to sleep. I’m going to walk the city’s mean streets and look for our police chief’s missing service pistol. She’s been worried sick about it.
3:47 AM May 8th from twitterfeed
It’s late. Can’t get to sleep. Channel surfin. Just wondering out loud, y’all—if John Morgan is always chasing ambulances, why hasn’t he lost any weight?
2:51 AM May 8th from twitterfeed
389 channels on cable TV and I can’t find anything to watch. I wish “Seinfeld” were on all night.
1:28 AM May 8th from twitterfeed
Who’s providing local TV news anchor Martha Sugalski’s wardrobe? Forever 21? I’m switching to watch Jacqueline London. Muy caliente.
11:01 PM May 7th from twitterfeed
I don’t know no reason why writers are using more double negatives nowadays. What up with that?
1:24 PM May 4th from web
No dangling modifiers, but lots of problems with misplaced antecedents. What would ‘writers’ do without editors?
1:17 PM May 4th from web
OMG! I just caught a subject-verb disagreement in a story I am editing. Check back in a few. A dangling modifier can’t be far behind.
1:02 PM May 4th from web
Still all worked up over Dyer’s ‘evil’ comment. No Xmas card for him!
2:02 AM May 2nd from web
Ouch! Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer just referred to SunRail opponents—and I am one of them—as ‘forces of evil.’ Talk about a sore loser.
5:32 PM May 1st from Twitterfon
Orange County Mayor Rich Crotty’s name just came up on my caller ID. I don’t have time to answer—too busy Twitterin’ drivel. Bet he’s calling to say keep up the good work.
8:01 AM April 30th from Twitterfon
I just met timeshare king David Siegel at his Isleworth home. He wasn’t anything like I imagined.
12:02 PM April 16th from Twitterfon
Now a city dweller! Yep, moved from the burbs to College Park. Mayor Dyer is a neighbor. Wonder if we’ll hang out. He seems like a good guy to have a beer with.
8:49 AM April 12th from web
I am so ticked about Crotty raising tolls that I run tollbooths in protest. Anyone else out there stickin’ it to the man?
10:38 AM April 10th from web
I apologize for previous comment. I misspoke. Twitter will help me stay in touch with you, my dear followers. Please check back often for more insightful Tweets.
9:01 AM April 9th from web
I am now up to speed on Twitter. It’s for morons with ADD.
2:06 PM April 8th from web
My boss just came into my office and said I have to Twitter to let readers know what I’m thinkin. What the hell is Twitter?
4:59 PM April 7th from web