Made for TV

The voters may have spoken loudly on Alan Grayson’s future in Congress, but there’s no way he’s going back to private life. This guy has prime time written all over him, and we have some pitches that could make him a TV star. Hey, Alan, let’s do a meeting.



photo Illustration: jason jones

Survivor: Red State

On the plains of Texas, Grayson leads the Jackasses, a tribe of liberal Democrats who lost their mid-term races, against the Knuckle-Dragging Neanderthals, a tribe of victorious, gun-loving Republicans. Drama plays out behind the scenes with the presence of the K-Street Whores, a group of high-powered lobbyists who try to influence the outcome.
 


Dancing With the Stars

Grayson and conservative commentator Ann Coulter pair up to offer a scintillating lineup of performances, including the Hokey Pokey, The Bump and the Chicken Dance.
 


$#*! My Congressman Says

Grayson stars in this sitcom, a rip-off of CBS’s $#*! My Dad Says, as a Washington politician who can’t restrain his penchant for saying outrageous things, like his favorite comeback to political rivals: “Oh, pork barrel this and die quickly!”
 


Cannonball

Grayson hosts this fast-moving MSNBC show on politics and personalities, airing immediately after Chris Matthews’ Hardball. The debut features Grayson going on a quail hunt with former Vice President Dick Cheney.
 


The Carnie

This reality show tracks the former congressman as a carnival worker and includes a stop at the Central Florida Fair. Grayson operates the “Not So Fun House,’’ in which fairgoers dodge smoke and mirrors, wait in a doctor’s office for socialized health care, and endure incessant ridicule via loudspeakers.
 


Flapjacks With Alan and Matt

Live from their neighborhood Perkins restaurant, Grayson and local right-winger Matt Falconer scream at each other while hosting this weekly political talk show on public access TV.
 


Alan Grayson’s Orlando

Modeled after the popular TLC series Sarah Palin’s Alaska, this reality show has Grayson being joined by family members and friends as he explores the Central Florida he knows and loves—from fishing for compliments in Lake Apopka to a fruitless search for his base of support in the 8th Congressional District.
 

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